There’s always a poem inside me. | |
January 30, 2009
166,000 miles
$35 gas
I was at the town of blooming children.
I was there at the winter white rolling hills and fields of southern Indiana.
I was there and saw goddess of Illinois flow like river.
I was there in the fog – yellow dash – yellow dash – dimmed headlights, fading white line on my right tracing my path and nothing more.
January 31,2009
Hwy 55, 70, 270
$35 gas
I was there when cloudy and frozen Ozarks gave way to warm southern Ouachita forest.
I was there at the thermal water spring. It came out hot and tastes like diamonds.
It tasted like a void in the universe.
Imagine beyond material and imagine the refreshing taste of nothingness.
I slept atop a mountain overlooking a deep valley of twilight towns sparkling beneath the night sky and the high winds rocking me to sleep.
February 1, 2009
167,000 miles
$70 gas
I was in the empty south Oklahoma prairie with yellow grass and yellow sun.
I was there as a hawk flew between each stretch of horizon.
My way is guided in silence. She spoke to me.
I am reminded with every hawk, on fence post or sky, of which there have been dozens.
I was in the red river – shallow and abandoned.
I felt lost with out you for a moment or more.
I look within when lonesome Texas surrounds me.
Dust and tumbleweeds.
I must sweep my self empty.
Jazz and cigarette under western sun.
There may not be any moment more beautiful.
Even the flying vultures and the waving Joshua tree and the grazing cows dance to Miles Davis.
Why not should I?
I want to dance across the fields, over the mountains, through the skies and into the universe.
I want to dance with love in my heart and my hand in hers.
I have been where the skies are purple, pink, and blue and air where 10,000 or more geese open wings in unison.
I was in Lubbock Texas, ‘I’ll take the cheapest whiskey you have,’ at a smoke-filled bar, when the Steelers won the game. I topped the glass off with my flask.
I had a cold sleep in a hotel parking lot and a warm morning of coffee and fruit.
February 2, 2009
62 W & detour
$50 gas
I see more when I go slow. I connect This and That.
Connection leads to understanding.
I am in no rush to go this established speed limit
On the dusty roads, alone, a long-horned bull stands in my path and watches me pass.
I was there lost in BLM land, nowhere, washed gravel road, valley washed, tied between two canyon walls.
I was there when the sunset exploded into millions of tiny bright twilight.
I was there losing control of the dusty road and heavy turns that tore my van inside and out.
I was there and I was running out of gas and I felt like an outlaw.
February 3, 2009
Las Cruces, NM
I came in late and wild.
I woke and saw tall jaded rocks reaching off in the distance.
Naturally, I drive to them and spend my morning saying hello.
Today is when it all begins. Today I am in no rush.
Today I listen to my soul, my needs, my heart.
Today it all came to me as I hiked among the tall jaded cliffs, cactus and roadrunners.
I climb up on a rock, stripped off my clothes, and sat.
I have done many things wrong.
The one that hurt most was my constant focus on fleeting emotions rather than the steadiness of my heart. I am a rock. Emotions are like wild horses.
Let them graze for a moment. They will pass soon.
I was there in a city of rocks. It made me think of Stonehenge and when the sun went down I felt like I painted a masterpiece.
February 4, 2009
$30 gas
168,000 miles
Hwy 180, 61, 35, 15, 90, 10
I was there on the trail of the mountain spirits where the crows talk in flight and the tall pines stand red.
I was there high in the Gila cliff dwellings that the Mogollon people called home over 700 years ago.
In a room of old ceremonial tradition, I felt god, and it was good.
Climbing down a wood ladder, turning, bowing, turning away and away.
It is here, in the forest below, where plump wild boars run and leap with grace and beauty.
In town, I met a nice man- under-nourished, over-tanned- he walked with his dog and a heavy pack on his back. He’s been on the road for 13 years. He goes and goes. This time I caught him in Silver City, NM.
February 5, 2009
Tucson, AZ
Time to slow down.
It is warm here. I walk barefoot; my face is red, smile and touch the sky.
Café after café. Sitting and sitting. Reading and reading. Being and being. This is I.
February 6, 2009
Spent the morning and afternoon tapping my foot to music in Café Passé on 4th street, Tucson.
Traded my sandals for $2.
Danced to a fiddle and mandolin player on 4th.
I was there like kokopeli, playing my fife up and down 4th all evening.
It was in between notes when I purchased beer for a group of outlaws.
We passed around whiskey below the road in a dark concrete basement stairway.
I was there in the street crowd – music, smoke, dogs, dreadlocks, and gems.
It is here where I found Storm again. I’ve seen him in Indiana, Florida and now Arizona in only the time of a few months. He’s traveling to Mexico.
February 7, 2009
I spent my morning with god.
I dumpstered about 50 acrylic paints, some brushes, canvas, canned food, clothes, a felt-covered Buddha, ashtray, and a bag full of condoms. I started a free pile and gave away everything but a couple of canvases, the Buddha and the paints.
I sat and talked story with a couple that mine gems in the mountains. He gave me a crystal and she gave me a healing.
I cooked up lunch in 4th Ave Park and then spent the afternoon here with a goddess.
The evening came with whiskey and free pizza.
There was music playing in the wind, in the streets, in the businesses, and in the trees.
A friend and I walked downtown late in the night. As we walked, he plucked the thumb piano and I blew through my bamboo fife. We looked like gypsies and a woman who passed kissed us.
I slept to rain tapping on my tin roof.
February 8, 2009
$20 gas
It was a cold and damp morning. It made meditation difficult. I spent it in a Laundromat, a brief moment at a church and a renewing shower at the University recreation center.
I roamed 4th Ave and gave some farewells and some hugs.
I really enjoy Tucson. I spent much of my time in walking and in conversation.
Much of my conversation and acquaintance was with street kids. The ones that are dirty, wear a pack, on their back, rummage through trash, ask you for change and for your left-over, sleep behind buildings or in abandoned houses, yield dogs, loiter and drink in hidden places and walk with no destination.
But, these kids, so often despised and spat upon, seem to me to be the ones with big hearts. They share, they give, they trade, they smile big, dance wildly, sleep beside each other, help each other, travel together, rubs a stranger’s back, hugs and kiss, and give you everything they can.
On my way to Phoenix the clouds look like ocean and the cactus climb mountains.
I met Jenna at an entrance to a theatre. She punched me. Then our hug lasted for seasons. I fell asleep on her shoulder. She smelled like heaven. She had to go back.
February 9, 2009
I saw her in the morning and it was a sad farewell in the afternoon.
February 10, 2009
Boom. I spent my time with two street kids. Outgoing individuals full of love and kindness. I spent a night at an old friend, Dan Sullivan’s apartment in Scottsdale. It was nice to see a familiar face. He’s about to move to Chicago, he says, Phoenix isn’t what he expected.
February 11, 2009
I picked Banyon up at the Circle Kay gas station on baseline road. She hitchhiked in from Tucson. We situated her three bags and waited for another guy on his way. I am in no rush in any way but these two are paying for my gas.
We are not sure if we should drive through Las Vegas or go toward LA and up the 395 along the Sierras. Banyon decides on the later. We started on I-10 at 3:30pm. My van was packed dense. Iam brought a kiln, boxes of glass, bicycle, drum, and some others. He was moving out to Oakland to learn the trade of glass blowing from his brother.
February 12, 2009
We turned north just after brushing the tip of LA traffic. We went into mountains that I did not expect. This van struggles in mountains when it’s holding so much weight. I ran out of gas when 3am was coming around. One of the worst places to be caught – 6000 feet high, mountain snow, desolation, on a highway that is bordered on one side by the tall Sierra Nevada Mountains and the other side by a China Lake Naval Air Weapons Station. It was cold and the one car and the semi that passed in the hour did not stop. I couldn’t help but laugh. I could sit here till tomorrow.
Iam, in the back of the van, began to get nervous and tried to call a country tow truck. No signal. He tried 911. Finally, he woke the tow man up and he came to our saving. Banyon and I stayed behind as he went to get gas. I tried to lie down and sleep but enjoyed too many the smiles that Banyon and I were sharing. Iam came back within the hour with some gas, free of charge.
Some time later we are back on the road and in Reno, NV at sunrise. She kicked me down a heart-shaped gem of rose quartz and let me rip an outstanding single track that she recorded of herself rapping. It’s dope.
A second coffee and Iam and I are going down 80 to Oakland. His brother wasn’t around at first so we went down to Ocean Beach in San Francisco. I love this beach and it brings back many memories. It felt good to see Iam picking up trash where he walked and drawing his name in the sand. I dropped him off at his brother’s studio and went over to my friend Dave’s place on Telegraph.
This is a new record of sorts for me. I drove for 22 hours with no sleep and only a few short stops. It was nearly 5pm when I parked the van for the night.
February 13, 2009
I talked story with Dave and then drove down to Berkeley. I met a wild man who passionately hates the consumer nation. Check out his website here.
February 14, 2009
In passion and knowledge, they complement each other well,
While a subtle and joyful piece of classic perfect symphony fills the empty space between their transition of one soul to an other soul. They are actually discussing tea while I sit at a coffee house and teashop on Telegraph, Berkeley. This gives me hope that they are actually discussing tea. Let’s touch the fringe of mastery! Or let me complement a subtle white African jasmine tea.
February 15, 2009 - February 16,2009
I didn't think I could get drunk off mango juice. Careful. Rain, rain, rain.
February 17th, 2009
$30 gas
I ate some lunch on top of a hill where life grew in a garden of plenty. It was fresh and just right for the moment, like green hills and wet water. For a moment I stood. Then I walked where tucked among some trees on top of a hill there resides a place where many travelers call home only for the moment. It is all we have for the moment. The harbor sits below the hill. It hides quietly, soaking up the vibrations of ocean. Only for a moment, the sun sets. In the north is the San Fransisco Marina. The small sailboats rock the night to sleep. The moon rose only for a moment. For a moment the moon shed light on the peaceful bay that engulfs the scene. For a moment the moon shed light on the people imprisoned on an island only a short distance away. If I could walk on water I’d be as free on the island as I am here. I am at a hostel in a park. The moment is.
February 18th, 2009
I’ve been moving slow and steadily around the Bay. I’ve lots of short interactions with crazy, unique, beautiful, inspiring, intelligent, and loving people.
I’ve had some time to spend with Jennifer and some of her friends. This is always a blessing and a good time.
February 19th, 2009
I’ve been roaming the streets of North Beach, SF. Here, Kerouac and many other mad men flew through the streets and sat at the dingy bars.
February 20-22, 2009
I didn’t write or pursue other means of creativity beyond meditation much while in San Fransicso. Much of my time was spent in Golden Gate Park admiring the people and the scene. There is always a song playing here and it is nice to see others joining in.
February 23, 2009
I left the shores of San Francisco after saying goodbye to the ocean. Fast wind and white waves in the early morning gives a dress of comfort and loneliness to the beach. Upon leaving, I went to Oakland to pick up a couple of my things from a friend’s garage and then met with Aaron (Iam). Aaron is paying my gas to get back to Tucson. The sunshine and warm air is convincing me to go back.
I went to his brother’s shop where he blows glass. They are both talented at their trade and incorporate a deep sense of tribal design. I spent the night at Aaron’s brothers’ studio. They made a huge pasta dinner and then began recording music. Their set-up is professional and their beats are dope. Aaron's brother gave me a beautiful glass work pennant with the OM symbol present.
February 24, 2009
170,000 miles
HWY 5 - $20 gas
I left this morning at 4am. I drove into LA. We were west bound for Venice Beach. We both had a sickly feeling, at different times, so decided to go east toward Tucson. Aaron sold some of his glass when we were out of gas along the way.
February 25, 2009
I woke up, a couple hours of sleep?, in the late calm of an early morning immersed in stars. In Tucson, Aaron and his lover, Mary, gave me so much love in kindness, hospitality, groceries, dinner, smoke, a shower and love.
February 26, 2009 – March 4, 2009
Wow. Time moves quickly when you don’t follow time. I forgot about words too. This last minute has been filled with good things: Slack lines, skateboarding, painting, praying, stretching, and the park.
I made $40 polishing up a stranger’s home.
I’ve been nursing a busted toe that is finally healing after a week.
I’ve been roaming the avenue with John Woods, a young street kid full of humor and positive perspectives.
I re-met Shepherd, dirty hands, dreadloks with bent beer bottle caps holding in his messy loks. Shepherd came to my home in Bloomington after the anti-I69 march. We gave him bagels and a couch to sleep on. He remembered playing with the Takara ball. He’s good friends with Storm.
March 5, 2009 – March 7, 2009
Do you want the secret to staying young? I’ve heard that it is easy.
Don’t follow time or the calendar.
I’ve been all over these last couple of days. But, the days do not matter nor does time. I only check in when I feel it is time to write and share this.
I was gifted a beautiful piece of turquoise from a woman named Charlotte. She wears dark brown dreadlocks, tattoos, funky dress, and a universal smile of freedom, love, and kindness.
My bicycle has been tied to the top of my van for the last 4,000 miles. It’s been covered in snow, ice, mud, salt, and ash. The bike seat was lost, a rusted chain and a broken pedal. I went to a bike exchange to bring it back to where it was. I cleaned up the shop for a half hour and they gave me all access to parts and tools.
I was with John Wood before he left for Florida. He introduced me to his friend who came up to the park with a big Mercedes van and a fast mouth below his shaded eyes. He quickly showed his beauty when he removed his sunglasses and spoke of his mission. His eyes explode in blue fairy-tale ocean colors. They seem to have no end and no beginning. They hit me deep and then deeper when he told me about the school in the Himalayas. He’s traveling around selling incenses, tapestries and other artifacts and material from former Tibet. He is trying to make $30,000 to fund the construction of a school in the Himalayas near where Tibet was formerly established. He saw my interest and my application to Odiyan Buddhist retreat and asked me to get on board with him. Check out his website at Lamachodpa.com
I met a mad chemist and a beautiful woman at Epic café. She may see god in science and this drew me to her. She may be my opposite and every opposite can learn many truths from the other. We had tea in the park. It was short lived and she seems too busy to see me again.
So, I went on. I met Mike in front of the 4th avenue co-op. He wore a backpack so I naturally asked him the basic questions: where did you come from, when’d you get in, do you need anything, how’s the weather in Oregon? I sat with him for a long while and talked story. We talked of god, of love, of travel, of spirit, missions, cooperation and all the rest. He’s may be kind of a computer nerd and gets sick over cigarettes but is beautiful, well-spoken and a source of direction and inspiration. He travels with beauty in his eyes. He sees it everywhere. He said this walkabout is part of a spiritual quest. He has a lose destination of Costa Rica and he has something to learn. He’s staying at Terrasante ('Sacred Earth'). I met a woman, Carrie, during the gem show who stays here also. He’s in love and friends with Julia Butterfly and was just in SF with her. Check out Julia's inspiration here
A couple of kind souls stumbled upon Mike in front of the Co-op. They knew him from Ashland, Oregon. Steve also stays at Terrasante and I sat with him and talked story with great enjoyment. Mike told me that he owns a video store in Ashland that he would frequent in the morning to say ‘hello’ to Steve. Steve told me that he comes down here every winter. Oregon’s too cold and crummy in the winter. Steve shared a yerba mate, an apple and some beets with me. It was a wonderful lunch. He also gave me directions to Terrasante and an invitation to the community sweat that happens here in Tucson a few times a week.
March 9, 2009
I ran into Mike at the Co-op. He is highly concerned with releasing his ego and manifesting his love for Julia Butterfly. I bought some onions and I drove him down to Terrasante. I came while the sun was reaching the mountains 30 miles west. Light reflects every mile of sand, dirt, cactus, and mesquite between this and the mountains.
Anthony and Kamu, his dog, look to be warriors. His old beard shows grey and his smile shows his youth. He seems to prefer the wild, the mountain rivers, the walks, the harvesting of herbs and mushrooms, and the mystery of nature’s pleasantries.
Anthony showed me around. The seed barn is where he spends most of his being. Here I met Rick who runs a Native Seed Exchange. He was sporting crutches due to a miscalculated trampoline to ground dismount. Rick shows me a flat piece of stone that Anthony worked on. It was impressive with deeply carved serpents and universal symbols.
We shared a smoke and walked around the young garden where flats of lettuce are crying to get rooted. It is a promising start for an early season garden in such a sparse desert. The garden runs an edge of the Himdag Village Sanctuary and a Himalayan style Yurt. A solar shower sits behind the yurt and is walled primitively with bamboo. Beyond that, there are the makings of a tipi, two earth homes and many mesquite trees. It shows to be the beginnings of a larger vision.
We walked to Bruce’s home. It is humble home built on a dirt mound. Bruce keeps the lower floor open for the community. There is a kitchen with a communal refrigerator, and an open room with books, seedlings, computers, maps, instruments, a model of their current sweat lodge project, and other good things.
Dinner was ready soon after I arrived. Bean and vegetable soup, tortas, rice, pita, a mesquite pizza baked in a solar oven, and some other chows. Delicious!
March 10, 2009
Gardening is a great healing for me. I spent the morning planting the onions that I brought. Later in the morning I helped Bruce work on the sweat lodge. We were forming the iron for the roof. The construction is simple: you make a form out of iron, lay earthbags and then ferro cement. We were shaping the roof and Bruce is into geodesic structuring so it had to be precise. We stopped at lunch.
I spent the rest of the day in meditation in honor of the full moon.
March 11, 2009
I went around helping whomever I crossed paths with and spent some good time sitting in a circle with a few kind souls in the seed barn. Here I met Marcus Parkus. He sported desert goggles and tattoos from all over the world. If you’re in Tucson check him out at www.rogueparlour.com.
Tonight there was a full moon ceremony (kind of a day late). The vibrations were high. The fire was started by hand with a stick from a Saguaro cactus while the sun began to cast its evening shadow. Many people came to this gathering, even Steve whom I met in Tucson. It was a potluck so there was lots of food. A lot of good food. The music began in nights avail. The drum led the way. As one or two began to dance, the moon rose brilliantly over the eastern mountains. There were ten drums, I’d say, and a couple of flutes, a harmonica, shakers, dancers, spinners, tappers, tambourines, conch shells calling the stars, fire and stars. The moon was beautiful.
March 12, 2009
I woke up to a beautiful sunrise. I spent the morning in reflection and under the spell of paint and brush. When the paint was done I began to walk west into the desert. If you want to know pain, walk barefoot in the desert. It was a nice walk. When I returned I rehydrated and then built a fence at the seed barn. Well, I suppose I’d call it a barrier – two posts dug in the ground and a long log lain across the top. Rick’s a wild one as well. Most of the crew here seem to be pretty wild but made docile by the stillness of the desert. Rick’s been working seed for 15 years out of his short bus.
We talk of how seed is the original currency and the most direct symbolism of life. While I waited for Rick’s return I met an older man. He walks up with a lanky stride and a bounce in the step. It seemed like he was looking for someone to talk story with. He said he was a professional juggler, was born in a car and has lived in one for 50 years. He taught me how to juggle four items. This seems like a big step up from three but it is relatively simple. When I was done practicing he pulled out a beautiful fiddle with a carving of Shakespeare done at the head of the neck. He played some real hillbilly music and it was beautiful.
I spent the early evening in the house to send some emails while a beautiful grey-bearded man who wore a western hat played a soul soothing classical guitar.
March 13, 2009
I haven’t written much directly on how I am feeling, what I am learning, how I am growing. I want to share this with you. For years I have searched for the words that hold this spirit, the lessons, and the love that I experience in this being. I have never found them. I have grown discontent with words. I have abolished them before and it is always in mind to leave them again. Words are only metaphors. They are limited in their meaning and speak only as close to the truth as their barriers allow.
As I have been slowing down my mind and my physical being I have grown to feel more whole. I feel that the two are directly interrelated. We get scattered when we move at the pace of America’s norm. How can we, our spirits, minds and bodies, be whole when we are scattered in so many places? I chose the slower life because it is all that I need. My memories are not momentary but rather deep and lasting. Check out some sites on the 'downshifting movement'.
I have spent much time in mediation. This has reestablished a sense of serenity in my perception. I’ll sit for hours and guide my being and be guided through several types of meditation. I usually begin by listening to my mind and seeing what various streams are going through my head. It is often a bunch of fleeting chatter or even worse: projections of the future and other anxieties about the present or past. My intention is always to clear my head of this and to rest in the present now moment always with my deepest souls focus on the heart. I give a little prayer to the universe. It is a simple asking for protection, faith and guidance. I will sit, sometimes lie, and do short breathing exercises. Paying attention to the breath is very important. Attention to breath will always bring your attention to the present moment. You only breath in the present here and now or you wont be here now (for any longer then you can hold your breath, of course). Attention to the breath is attention to spirit. (If you’re breathing too fast or your breath is behind you, you may be moving too fast for your spirit…I learned this climbing the world’s tallest see cliffs in Molokai’i).
Three deep cleansing breathes are a good way to begin in regaining focus. I usually concentrate on the breath sensation that is most prevalent. For me it is the slight rising and falling of the abdomen. I ride my breath like I am floating on top of calm ocean waves. Here, my mind is released and I find my silence and soul. The energy of the mind is shifted toward the front of the head. I often feel its sensation rooted not only around the third eye but also around the back of my two eyes. This energy sprouts a subtle awareness of everything that is occurring at the same moment with the current breath. Now I am now. I clear my chakras (7 locations of the body where energy is rooted). I begin at the spleen (just below the bellybutton) and focus my attention (of the eyes) to the feeling/vibrations/sensations that are there. My breath and the intention of healing light are also directed to the area. I rest in this awareness and witness the shifting of the energies in the moment.
Sometimes this is difficult because energy is very powerful. Sometimes it is dark and we must be a warrior to confront it. Doing this is good. Suffering allows for growth. Walk through your suffering. Do not misplace it, distract your self from it, or avoid it in any way. If you walk around it, it will always be waiting for you lingering in your soul. Acting in penance, or undergoing hardships for the achievement of a good purpose, will lead you toward truth, light and godly guidance.
It is beautiful when I enter this space. In a way I enter space. I feel the void of the universe. But, the void feels so full. It is like being dissolved and entered into a perception where all energies; you, me, the tree and the furthest dark speck that is universes away, are all shattered, shaken, and put back together in an intertwined, no line, no barrier, one cosmic collection of all dynamic energies flowing on the universal wind in unison. Here it feels as though the universe rides one breath. My single breath is not one at all, but tied to the integral web of life. I breathe with trees.
When my spleen feels free and my breath is easy I move my attention to the root chakra (at the very bottom of the torso, your seat) and then back to the spleen and up through the crown (a space above your head). If you’re interested in chakra energy I would recommend reading Anatomy of the Spirit by Myss.
Often by now, my focus of breath becomes very calm and the intake and outtake of air has transformed into a flowing source of light that is rooted in the solar plexus.
I rest in the moment. It is blissful. Here in the silent stillness are answers to your questions. Sometimes it comes to me in a voice, a feeling, or in colors. I’m never sure how long I stay in this state or how to describe it. Omnipotence is absolute silence - all else is change, activity, limitation.
When transitioning out of this state I’ll release my chakras and energize my physical body by a simple meditation beginning at the crown. From the top of the head I focus on the energy and the new answer/intention at hand, and send vibrations of light from scalp to forehead, face, back of head, neck, shoulder, arm, wrist, each finger, across, and further slowly down to through the torso, toes and into the earth.
Beyond this, my practice varies between several familiar mediations and often something completely unexpected always ending with a moment of gratitude.
I come back to waking life feeling so good. I feel awake, connected, fluid, and whole. I not only feel but also see the cosmic breath of I, the trees, the planet and all its life breathing in unison, connected and translucent. It looks like an inward and outward expansion and collapse.
So, naturally I have been feeling good. I have been trying to re-find something I lost many years ago. Remember, this is only a metaphor. In truth, I have never lost any thing. But, i am searching.
Sungazing warms my souls and heals my sadness. I have been missing the woman I love. It is hard being away from her. This space between is called for and needed for both of us. i am so full of love and the knowing that it will be magical when i see her again. I stand on a foundation of goodness. Being good is precisely the cause of love. It is what all things want and where the mind comes to rest.
March 14, 15, 2009
Sunday was spent in ritual and a return to 4th avenue.
 |  On a bench sat a man with a typewriter on his lap. Beside him was a small piece of cardboard, written: "free poetry." This did not seem strange here on Telegraph in Berkeley. So, I sat down. I answered one question and he wrote me these words. |
March 16/17/18/19, 2009
171,000 miles, hwy 8
$25 gas
March 20/21, 2009
Sand, cold water, ocean beach, pacific beach, mad men, kazoos, bicycling, whale flutes, painting, harmonicas, Arthur Rimbaud, guitar, god talk, Irie, bonfires on the beach, kids think I’m famous, blind bums and ravens, his song was too loud.
March 22, 2009
$20 gas, HWY 101
Such a glorious day - magic. I drove to La Jolla. The sun was perfect, the wind was cold, invigorating. I met a beach full of seals: pups, mothers, fathers. They rested in sunbathing blissfulness. I put on my late grandfather's suit jacket, unpacked my camera, and went to go get lost after capturing the moment of sharing a beach with the seals. I walked north. At a small beach cove, I was drawn toward large pelicans and blackbirds sitting magesticalyl upon an ocean side cliff. I explored the angles. Beside me was Becky, glowing, with a camera taking in the same moment. I sat beside her and our words flew naturally and fluidly like the birds soaring on the free wind currents. We walked for hours along the ocean. Tidepools, octopus, urchins, mussels, seals, birds, birds, birds, crabs, and an endless ocean of beauty and endless possibility. We shared some drink at Jose's then walked again until the sun was passed and sat until the tide nearly trapped us. I felt like i stood as tall as the palm trees towering toward the skies. Becky reminded me of my friend Jennifer in SF. Her heart was full of joy, eyes full of depth, and her words were full of goodness and love (and she lived in SF for 9 years). It was nice to spend a day with a kind soul and not the madmen that I have been around most lately. Thank you.
March 23, 2009
Went only a mile or so north to La Jolla Shores. I sat a bench and began to read on the boardwalk when a woman walked past and called me a poet. I spent my day with Arthur Rimbaud and a camera.
March 24, 2009
The next stretch of sand was Black's Beach. A nude beach that sleeps below tall ocean cliffs. At a hang-glider port I parked my van and began my decent down. I laid out my blanket, stripped off my clothes and began to sew my pants. What a perfect place to sew rips and holes in your pants...at a place where you need not any pants! Hang-gliders over head. They hug the cliff side and land on the soft sands. More people should experience the freedoms of nudity. I watched the waves, read, wrote, the squirrels ate my bagels, and as the sun was soon to fade, beauty appeared and I was kissed by goddess and wrapped up in her comfort. Tamales, Mangoes, smiling eyes, orange sun and orange shores, fire, beauty. Everything moves. Thank you for connecting and sharing this moment of beauty.
March 25, 2009
I came into Encinitas, CA and couchsurfed P.J.'s place a block from Moonlight beach. P.J., his sister, and his girlfriend welcomed me kindly as they delicately colored paint by number schemes and watched a western movie, Dead Man, with Johnny Depp, and ate a delicious stir-fry. The morning eggs and shower was a blessing.
March 26, 2009
I went to the Self-Realization Fellowship (established by Paramahansa Yogananda, 1920) and spent half the day in walking and sitting meditation among their beautiful gardens resting high on the ocean cliff side. (Check out some beautiful photos of their gardens by clicking here). Then I went to their temple. Oh, their temple! It is humble and full of grace. I walked in. I was alone. Only for a moment, I was alone. Ahead of me, an altar, and 6 portraits of god/dess, guru, and saint. I sat down and began to weep. I cried! I didn't know why! But, I cried. When my eyes were dry, it became more real. They are Alive! They showed their depth, their bright eyes, their smiles and they moved! They came and welcomed me: The god/dess, the guru, the saint. I looked at the 6 portraits and my peripheral vision began to darken. The light shined on them and they touched me. Deep in my soul, they touched me.
I will smoke no more. I sacrifice tobacco until it comes to me. I have used tobacco to ground my energy, for prayer, and to distract my being. Often my energy expands/grows and it pushes on my physical being. It wants to come out! I grow so full that I feel like my body may explode! So, full, I can do nothing but feel this totally overwhelming sensation of growing Allness. A cigarette always calmed this down and packed this energy comfortably back into my limited body. But, i feel this is negative expression. It is a bit of death. Now, I will let my energy expand. I will let my body explode into cosmic debris. We are Alive! We are whole! We are endless, massively beautiful beings.
wow! Just when I thought the day was done...
Bliss. So many gifts. I am low on money so i made it a mission to find a free dinner. I was losing hope with no food to be found. I put ten dollars in my pocket, gave up,and walked toward a local cafe when the kind woman from the Encinitas travel center saw me while she was eating dinner and freely gifted me 4 slices of delicious gourmet pizza! I enjoyed this and then went to stretch and meditate. I felt so good and in my joy found my self back at the Yogananda's temple for an 8pm service and i did not know what to expect. How beautiful an integrated view of god and spirit is! We prayed to everyone: christ, krishna, saints of all religions, many many beautiful beings. Chanting, singing, meditation/silence, healing, and inspirational stories. It was a beautiful ceremony and such a blessing to be a part of. Divine! The moment was the moment was everything I ever wanted.
March 28, 2009
Carlsbad, CA
A Beautiful Day! I had a day of sneaking into places. I worked my way into the Museum of Making Music. Here i saw countless unique and antique instruments (see pictures here) from all over the world while listening to the heart of Louis Armstrong and Bessie Smith. They make me move and shutter. To the flower fields I went and breathed a million roses and tulips. Oh, you'll have to see the pictures! Hills of beautiful color! I came down to the coast and the first friend I met was Bubba, an old Hell's Angel man with long beard and worn skin. He calls people 'boo-boo' and his language is difficult to decipher. I found that someone threw away bags and bags of clothes, hats, shoes, scarves, suspenders, books, and more in a dumpster near the beach. Naturally, I took what i considered to be of recycling value and will find new homes for what I am able. I was gifted some left-over Mexican food and In the evening I sat on the corner of HWY 101 and Carlsbad Village Dr. with Bubba and a well-versed, barefoot, man named Roger, who has lived here 15 years as a professional juggler. He lifted me up, shared his stories and we prayed together. Right there on the corner we prayed! His hand rested on my shoulder and he prayed for me: my safety and happiness on this journey and we prayed together for his mother who is ill and for All who are in need. It was beautiful and from the heart. It was natural and the sky received it delightfully. He said that I looked like Walt Whitman and/or a man from the movie 'On Golden Pond.'
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March 29, 2009
Breakfast at the church, black Widows, walks on the beach, soft salty kisses, numb toes, embraces, the moon hides behind the mist, a crest, laying in the grass, clove smoke, whiskey sips, shirt torn, sewage pipe, smiling eyes, high tide, rolling over, laughter, a hypothetical question: is this all really happening...
March 30, 2009
I picked up Kevin from the Coaster Train Station and I am Eastern bound. Kevin just got off a 35 foot boat that he cruised along the CA coast and into the San Diego Bay harbor (after a brief miscalculation that ended him in Mexico, running out of gas and needing to pay $180 or ten gallons of diesel fuel) He said this was one of the worst trips of his life! Mostly, because the captain was not prepared. He was happy to get back on land and away from his disgruntled friend/captain and I was happy for his company and help with the gas bill. I'm going to Phoenix to see my lover. It was a long and wild ride full of stimulating conversation. But, first, I had to get through the mountains of highway 78. Oh, the mountains and the curves! Maybe it was not the best idea to go this way, my transmittion is struggling. After many hours, I am in the arms of a woman who is embracing me much sooner then I expected. Only a couple of days ago, I felt I wouldn't see Jenna for several more months. How things change!
March 31-April 2, 2009
172,000 miles
$20 gas
I've been reconnected with Jenna and being sure to have time for my self. It is easy with her in school. Picnics, play, meditations, music, and I can still look endlessly into her eyes. I have had a bit of a breakthrough. I found some of the truth that my soul was longing for. I feel that I am soon to jump into a glorious space. I am ready. I only need to let it all unfold. How? I have no idea. The bear has scared me away. I am leaving my mind and entering this wild world. I am here for you all. I want to participate in every moment. I want to be an avenue for the work of love and the divine process. No more limitations. No more hesitations. Be here now. Everything will be cared for in the hands of the spirit, the hands of god, the energy of the universe. It will not lead me wrong. Why are we often so fearful of always doing the work of god? Let it go. Take a chance. This is life.
April 3, 2009
$20 gas
Jenna and I went to a drum circle. Oh, it was Irie! So many drums...dozens sending vibrations into the air...gypsies, belly dancers, beautiful people, fire dancers and fire blowers, a woman balancing a sword on her head, i found a drum and played whie Jenna moved her divine dance. Beauty. Oh, the night was glorious! (Finishing the complete works of Authur Rimbaud made me think fondly of an old friend Bob Welniak. If you are out there, show your self. Find me. I miss you.) Ah ha! So, I got a job helping to build an adobe home for a 78 year old man who has dreamed his whole life for this home! Ah, I am so excited and happy to help. The location is in Pearce, AZ. I will be camping out on the land in my van. The environment is desert. The man in charge seems to be a wonderful man. He lives in Oregon and has a yurt in the beauty of Montana and is an adventurer as well. The focus is giving, sustainability and walking lightly. I dream a motorcycle. Oh, a beautiful unfolding is on the horizon. A beautiful unfolding is in my soul. A new chapter will be beginning as soon as I leave Phoenix. I love you all. We are beautiful. We are divine. Thank you for your intention, your being, your smiles, your you.
This will make you smile so big!!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXXm696UbKY&NR=1 (laughing baby)
April 4-7, 2009
$20 gas
Goodnight moon. Goodmorning most distant star dust. Jenna took me to her yoga class. It was so nice. The teachers chants worked down deep in to my soul. My spirit and body feel perfect. Oh, I have had a few cigarettes with Jenna. But, I am smoking with purpose. The smoke is for prayer. I get so high of cigarettes now! I would have never imagined this ecstatic feeling from tobacco. I am certain the highness is resulting from pure intention. It is brilliant. It is continuing and will always be.
I took Jenna to a show in the Phoenix art district. Movin' Melvin Brown. This old man brought me so much joy! He was so full of love. He led the intimate audience through a journey into the history of black music as early as the 50's. He sang ray charles, sam cooke, the platters. He twisted with chubby checker, otis redding, he tap danced, clogged, told wonderful stories, and imitated james brown so well. Overall, he was a huge inspiration and a great man. He is a man that followed his heart, his love. He told his own story. Let's all tell our own story and be proud.
At this show I saw wafts of smoke rising from the stage. I was confused because it did not smell of smoke. The stage was only 10 feet in front of us and there was no origin to the smoke. It just floated from nothingness into the air. I dismissed it and did not mention a thing to Jenna. The following morning I was reading I saw smoke come from the tip of my thumb. It wafted the same way. I asked Jenna if she saw smoke on stage the night before and she said no. So, I told her my visions of smoke and she made it clear to me that it is energy that I perceived. Oh, how nice! I came out west looking for something that I 'lost' long ago. I am getting close, I feel.
On Sunday night, after the show, I took Jenna to Mill Avenue. I wanted to show her the streets, the people that I connect with, the homeless, the forgotten, the music, the love, the wild beauty. It was a slow night but we met a few kind souls. One man, Greg, asked for our help and I responded with a hug full of love. His soul lifted in front of Jenna and my presence. He held his shoulder in a sling. He could not work, he said, because he hurt his arm days ago. Jenna laid her hands on his shoulder, and after a couple more hugs, his arm felt good. He smiled so big, prayed to god, and a miracle was given. He was so happy to have his arm working again. He was in love with the recognition we were giving him. A few others and a few hugs crossed our path. We went home. Thank you, god, for beauty. I am learning what it is to be in love and love it self.
On the night of the 7th, Jenna and I had a fire. We talked of beauty. I let go of many things in my life: pages of Phoenix real estates, documents collected when trying to get refunded for the truck I paid for in Florida, a few job applications that never sent a respone, and some things in the non-visual world. It was freeing.
But, NOW, it is time to go. I am going to the desert and in to a new chapter of my life. I love you.
